这是第1部分一个4部分系列在身体形象上 - 我曾经如何讨厌自己的身体，最终学会了爱我的身体，以及如何获得积极的身体形象。
- Part 1：How I Began to Love My Body, Part 1: My Deep Hatred for My Body
- Part 2：How I Began to Love My Body, Part 2: Unraveling My Weight Issues
- Part 3：我如何开始爱我的身体，第3部分：克服我的身体仇恨
- Part 4：Body Image: Your Gentle Guide to Loving Your Body
瘦腿
直到最近，我都讨厌自己的身体。
While most people hate their body due to certain features, their body frame, or a disdain of their body type, my body hate did not stem from any of that. I never had a problem with my natural appearance, my body type, my height (1.7m / 5′ 7″), my body frame (which is bigger than the average petite Asian female due to my height), nor my facial features (except for two of them, which I addressed a year ago as shared in my美容文章。）
Rather, my body hate stemmed from my inferiority of my weight.
我一直觉得自己比我应该重。虽然我从未超重或真正的“脂肪”，但我曾经希望自己能变得更薄/更轻。我相信，无论我看（好）有多好，有多少人赞扬我的外表，或者我有多沉重（或光线），如果我苗条的话，我会更具吸引力 - 苗条。
我的自我恨的开始
童年的经历
A big part of this self-body-hate probably started当我上中学。
我有一个女朋友，她会定期剖析和贬低她的身体部位，包括将她的大腿称为“树干”，尽管她很瘦，而且很容易成为我认识的最瘦的女孩之一。
At that time, I didn’t understand why she would repeatedly put down her looks like that. Whenever she berated her thighs, I would look at my own thighs and wonder why she would think her thighs were large, for my thighs were much larger (and I was at a healthy weight for my height).
虽然我不讨厌自己的身体，也不认为那时我很胖，但听到她对大腿的不断贬低是对我身体正直的第一批疑问。这让我想知道我是否可能缺少关于我的身体的东西，而且它不像我想象的那样“好”或完美。
薄=美女的注意力
Somewhere down the line, between growing up in primary school and junior college, I noticed that the thin girls would get more attention from guys and/or appear more physically attractive to them.
For example, when I was in secondary school, there was girl who was excruciatingly skinnyand在我的同龄人中被认为是学校的美女。当我上大三时，我有一个相当瘦小的同学，即使她没有传统的好外观/功能，她也经常从男同龄人那里得到称赞。很明显，由于她的苗条程度，人们发现她很有吸引力。
然后，一个人会听到与求婚者或男生朋友有关的女朋友。所有这些女孩中的共同点是，她们会很瘦（而不是具有某些面部特征或“外观”），这无疑对男孩们很有吸引力。
These incidents made me subconsciously conclude that being skinny is equivalent to beauty and that to be regarded as beautiful by others, I had to be stick skinny.
Projections of Beauty by the Media
随后，我接触了投射的美丽图像在the媒体on a regular basis. From leggy models to sharp facial contours to stick-thin celebrities, these images were repeatedly projected as standards of beauty which all girls should strive for.
Guys would hanker after females with said qualities, hence reinforcing these images as “standards” to strive for. Among females, sizes 0 to 2 (U.S. size) would be aspirational dress sizes because these were dress sizes for models and shop mannequins.
我本人，我没有尺寸为0或尺寸2；我认为我的身体尺寸不可能在物理上，因为我的自然身体框架并不小。我最稀薄的人看上去很奇怪，尺寸为6-8（这是我目前的礼服尺寸）；努力达到0或2的尺寸只会使我看起来非常不合适，并且与某些外星人没有什么不同。
当然，这不是我当时关注的一个因素。我唯一的痴迷是尽可能瘦，然后以后评估结果。
要瘦，被认为是一件好事。至not被认为是瘦的not“吸引人的”，not“美丽”，甚至not应得的爱。
Attempts to Conform to the Idealized Image of Beauty
一个巨大的中段
因为我不符合美丽的瘦瘦形象（在我的体重上挣扎的几年中，我徘徊在美国尺寸的10到14之间），所以我对自己的身体产生了深深的仇恨。我一直希望我比我认识的每个人都瘦，瘦，或者更好。
My weight loss journey would be fraught with difficulties for my childhood was laced with emotional eating issues (which I’ve written before in我的6部分情感饮食系列从那以后也已经克服了）。我不断地吃掉自己的情绪，尽管我健康的饮食努力和不断锻炼。
Because of my情绪饮食问题，体重经常是我自己内心的一个竞赛领域。我会不断设定减肥的目标，只是一种或另一种方式失败。这将使我进一步讨厌自己，因为无法实现自己的目标。
记录，我真正的问题是not在失去重量。我的问题是维持my weight losses, partly due to my emotional eating issues. Regardless of how much weight I would lose during each weight loss endeavor, I would regain my “excess” weight after a while, through one way or other. From gradual regains over the span of months to immediate weight regains in a matter ofdays，，，，I would always regain my lost weight.
几乎就像我的多余体重有自己的想法。不管我丢失了多少次，它都会找到将自己堆回我身体的方式。好像我无法尝试过，我无法摆脱它。
自我仇恨的黑暗深度
我讨厌我的身体。我讨厌不断谴责自己的身体，好像它是一个轻蔑的物体。
From hating the fats on my thighs, to hating the thin space between my thighs, to hating the “heaviness” of my body (largely a psychological perception), to hating the “bigness” of my hips, to hating the “largeness” of my calves, I hated everything there was to hate about my body.
我一直希望我的几个尺寸较小，所以我可以穿上较小的衣服，并且像街上标准的棒状亚洲女孩一样苗条。我一直希望我能像10公斤左右一样轻松，这样我就不需要额外的重量，看起来像是世界上的一些胖失败者。
镜子是我最大的对手之一,因为它会reflect the image of my burgeoning body, something which I absolutely abhorred. To me, looking into the mirror was like being confronted with one of my deepest nightmares—to be an ugly and fat b*tch whom no one would ever find desirable nor want to be with. There were times when I would avoid looking into the mirror because I didn’t want to be faced with the image of my constantly expanding physical body, a problem which was made especially real due to my情绪饮食问题。
深层破坏
在我心中，我感到震惊。
为什么我不能（永久地）减肥？我一直在问自己。因为我在生活中没有很多问题，并且可以轻松克服任何问题那来了，这种重量的事情只是不断地回到我的生活中，一遍又一遍地。这是一个我无法征服的问题，因此，它逐渐获得了我的巨大力量。
I would be caught in this cycle of trying to lose weight, losing a bit of weight in the beginning, being taken off track in my diet and/or exercise after a few days, regaining all my weight back after that due to self-sabotage, then returning with a vengeance and deeper resolve later on to lose my excess weight all over again. No matter how many times I failed in my weight loss regime, I would return shortly after (be it a matter of days or weeks) to have a go at this goal again. Each time I would fail, and each time I would return to try again after that.
我要花一段时间才意识到，潜意识中有一些深刻的东西，这使我的重量重新获得了重新获得，并且我不得不先破译并解决这个问题，然后才能最终以糟糕的身体形象结束我的斗争。
继续前进第2部分：解散我的体重问题，在那里我深入研究了我的自我憎恨问题，并揭开了连续体重背后的奥秘。
这是第1部分一个4部分系列在身体形象上 - 我曾经如何讨厌自己的身体，最终学会了爱我的身体，以及如何获得积极的身体形象。
